Anyway, the circle is complete — circles, direct lines, whatever — because MC Two-Foot-Wingnut here performs the final desecration on hip hop by praising Ronald Reagan, specifically for being such an awesome president in the 1980s, the way He actually ruined the country, forever. Hell, maybe it was guaranteed, by that point, but America never recovered from Ronald Reagan, and it never will.

The endless encampments of mentally ill homeless people, the War On Negro Drugs, the creation of a permanent half-literate underclass from America’s once-happy middle class, the humiliating collapse of our nation’s infrastructure, etc., etc. …. eh god we just wanted to make a quick teabagger joke and move on, and now look what happened.

Let’s stop this exercise, now, and remember the point of this particular Wonkette post: At about 3:15 in this horrifying white-rap teabagging paultard video, there is a vaguely hot gal literally raising her hands in the air like she just don’t care. We’re going to assume brain damage here, or some kind of congenital body odor issue severe enough to even keep away the lonesome middle-aged dudes in their Barry Lyndon hats. [YouTube]

Hoffman says he doesn’t have the votes to make a recount worthwhile, which is pretty much what people on Earth believe, too, as Democrat Bill Owens not only won the race but was sworn in three weeks ago, and is currently the Congressman in Congress, in Washington. [WPTZ/AP]

(We are sorry about the imagery in this post, already. Sorry!)

Here, the official gossip from Roll Call:

Just hours before casting his health care vote, the sex-scandal-scarred Louisiana Republican looked “a bit lost” amid the ladies’ unmentionables, our spy said. Our witty, bargain-seeking HOH tipster mused on a few reasons that the Senator might be there.

“Is he looking for some ‘extra support’ for tonight’s big health care floor vote or is he up to his old habits?” the spy wondered.

Look, even a criminal douche like David Diaperman Vitter must occasionally feel a vague “emotion” in some ways similar to our human sense of shame, and maybe he just can’t get off these days by having a hooker dress him up like an infant so he can shit in a Depends. Maybe this dingleberry thinks his pathetic attempts to act like Mr. Conservative Firebrand will be more “real” if he could somehow stop his crippling addiction to poo play.

And maybe this is why he now wants to defecate and jack off in ladies thongs … oh god this is too gross, sorry again. All finished here, with this David Vitter post. Happy, er, thanksgiving or whatever, the end. [Roll Call]

And if you’re not cooking your Thanksgiving meal, there are quite a few places where you can go out to eat. Just be sure to make a reservation, last week.

• Art and Soul: At this southern food restaurant you can enjoy buttermilk biscuits, cornbread, turkey, maple-glazed ham, mashed potatoes, chicken/apple stuffing and pies of the apple, pecan, and pumpkin varieties. And you even get leftovers: everyone is sent home with a roast turkey sandwich with gravy and cranberry sauce on the side. YUM.  Cost is $55 per person.
• CommonWealth: Spend thanksgiving at a British Pub. Why not? They’re offering a three course meal, including turkey, roast beef, collard greens and two different kinds of stuffing. Best part: it’s also an excellent spot to watch the football games. Cost is $35 per person.
• Rasika: You can spend thanksgiving with Indians of a different sort! Rasika is offering its normal menu, but is also serving a special plate of pistachio-and-cranberry-stuffed turkey breast with saffron-and-cashew sauce, butternut-squash bharta, and chili Brussels sprouts for $16.

Or, if you’re too lazy to cook or even make a reservation, you can order in a complete Thanksgiving meal from Marvelous Market, Organic To Go, Zola Wine and Kitchen or just about any supermarket in the area. A best bet for pies is Dangerously Delicious Pies in the Atlas District.

What to do with the family until they leave and you get your life back:

• Theater: See George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker. The Pennsylvania ballet puts on what is considered to be the best production of this classic.
• Museums: The Smithsonian Museums will be open on Friday and it will be crowded! Other museum options include the Holidays on Display exhibit about the holidays and commercialism at the Museum of American History or “Oil,” photos by Edward Burtynsky at the Corcoran.
• Run: Before you indulge in pounds of turkey and stuffing and pie and more pie, you can participate in the Turkey Chase, a 10K race, a 2-mile walk/run in Bethesda or the DC Turkey Trot for Hunger, a 5K that raises money for So Others Might Eat.
• National Harbor: Head to the National Harbor for their Tree Lighting and Fireworks event. The evening includes the lighting of a 65-foot Christmas tree, a fireworks display, a light show, and singing from some people who won a reality show that no one ever watched.
• Give: This holiday season you, yes, even you, can do something good for the world. Food pantries are running low on food this year and here in DC you can donate food to Bread for the City, The Capital Area Food Bank, or Food and Friends. You could even be super nice and volunteer at any of these places to prepare or deliver food.

Happy Thanksgiving!